Wed Jul 16 2008 10:08pm PDT
Mood: nostalgic
Music: toshiro masuda - those who will inheirit the will of fire
this last week i almost lost the last connection i have to you. thank God that she was allowed to stay a while longer as she would have been missed.
the event made me remember when you passed. i was numb at first. didnt really know how to react and to many i didnt react much at all but in private i cried and missed you very much. i still do really. i cant seem to connect with anyone like i had done with you. i had loved another since but it hurt to much to do it. she didnt feel the same and i was only hurting myself being near and close. it certainly has been hard to care about starting anything with anyone since. havent been in the mood to put myself in such a vulnerable position. id rather not be cut so much that i bleed to death.
ive been studying for series 65 more methodically the last couple weeks. i hope to be nailing chap 1 in the 90\'s next week. i wish i had known of this when you were here. maybe we could have been face to face that last year.
i also learned a month ago that cancer had been cured since 1996. made me sick, angry, and sad. but what is, is. nothing can change it now. we can only change what might be and what is right now. i hate money grubbers and power mongers.
i have been steadily gaining strength and showing it. much good advice from many different friends and figuring out protein has been my limiting factor. i do a set of something when i miss a question on the practice test. some days are extra tiring lol. i can toss around 180lbs like a rag doll now. maybe ill post the numbers on just how much ive grown to show it one of these days.
thats all there is for now. say hi to all for me.