Sun Jul 29 2007 5:12pm PDT
Mood:
Music:
three years ago on that day my alexis passed away. a large part of me went with her that day. it has taken a long time and several lives to rebuild that part that was gone. it hasnt been as easy as it would seem to others outwardly.
it was on this date that we had our last talk. we said our goodbyes, thank yous, and ILYs. we talked about my future. she asked me if there was someone else that i could be interested in. she wanted me to find someone local to keep me company. maybe she felt bad because we never got to meet. she told me to find her and show her the family i had made when we finally get to meet.
i wish i could say ive been more successful than you had hoped. but those i mentioned didnt like me. and fresno is a desert for me. it has taken longer to rebuild than we figured.
ive been shattered a number of times during these years and have had to rebuild again. i have almost finished again from another recent break. one that still hurts. i often long to just go home like you were called back in some way. i thought i was for a couple weeks late last month as i found something on my neck. but nope, it wasnt allowed and it disappeared. made me think if i had only x amount of time left, what would i do with it. oddly i wasnt frightened. i felt more relieved than anything else. i suppose i have to be here a little longer.
i miss what we had. i miss everything that went with it. but that hasnt stopped me from trying to make something new and i know that is what you wanted me to do. RIP